Spoiler Alert
The Etiquette of Binge-Watching
The Etiquette of Binge-Watching
Streaming media and watch-when-you-want TV shows have changed how we talk with each other about popular entertainment. Now, we have the option to binge — to watch an entire TV series all at once, like a very long movie. I remember my first binge: House of Cards. Although Netflix released the entire first season at once, I told myself I’d watch only an episode a night. But there were nights when I was weak, and I watched two in a row. Once, I did three.
Who could I talk to about my obsession? When I went to work after a binge night, I’d have to gingerly establish a trust level with a coworker before I could discuss the show at all.
At my job, there were a few people who did watch the show in one epic weekend, but most did not. In the lunch room, for weeks after the show came out, we gingerly segregated ourselves by episode: People sat next to other people who were at the same point in the series. If only someone back then had Whataburger order number table tents to help organize the discussions.
Today, the magic phrase to invoke binge etiquette is, “No spoilers!” This is the proper thing to say to instantly shut another person up and pause conversation. After the pause, you can agree on the point in the series you can discuss things from.
Control Your Desire to be a Smartypants
But even this is a risky proposition. Once you are at the point where you are negotiating what can and cannot be talked about, you still have to be careful. If you are the person who is ahead in the series, you can’t ask level-setting questions that betray plot points. For example, you may not say something like, “Have you seen the episode yet where they tell you that the knife was from Jen’s kitchen?” That’s a question too far.
In fact, I’m not sure it’s possible to have any kind of fair conversation about a show when people are at different points in it. When there is an information imbalance, many people will instinctively play it for position, even if they’re not aware they’re doing it, or why. We all like being seen as informed. Even if we know in our heads that being smarter about the outcome of a fictional tale on TV is nothing to flaunt, we can’t help it.
But we still should try. Do not give cute little hints. “Oh, you’re a dog person, so you’ll love the ending.” What does that mean? How does that help? When you give this type of passive-aggressive hint you are actually trying to establish emotional dominance. It’s natural, and it’s also ridiculous. Don’t do it.
The only safe way for two people to discuss a serialized show when they are at different points in its narrative is, in fact, to not do it at all.
Get a Side Binge
Binging a show gets even more complicated when you have a parter you watch it with. If that’s the case, as enthralled by the series as you may be, the rule is that you cannot watch ahead. If you’re home sick and your partner is at work, you do not get to watch the next episode. You must wait until you can watch together.
The solution to having a restrictive partner binge is to also get your own “side binge” that you watch alone. You’re both mainlining Mrs. Maisel together? Good. Don’t watch it separately. But go ahead and allow yourself to get sucked into another show that you watch only when you’re apart. And keep it that way: Don’t tell your partner how great it is. If you do, and they want in on your show, you’ve just set yourself up for a very awkward dynamic, and you’re going to have to find yourself another side binge.
If you are separated temporarily (for example, if one of you is on a business trip), you might try to make an agreement to each watch your shared show while you are apart. I do not recommend this. Unless you communicate in real time and say, “I am starting this show right now,” there’s a strong chance that one of you will get diverted by circumstance and you’ll get out of sync.
The Spoiler Statute of Limitations
When do these rules expire? If you watch a show, especially a popular one, when can you assume that everyone who wants to see it, has?
One year. Why? Because we need to agree on something, and a year is reasonable. You still don’t want to ruin the surprise of a show you have seen that someone else has not, but you don’t have to tenderfoot the discussion either.
The whole idea of mass media, after all, is that we don’t just enjoy it, but we share it. At some point, you can assume everyone knows who Luke’s father is.